Though my friends and I live in a small and conservative part of Singapore, we are very exposed to the Western world and know a lot about the culture of hook-ups and sex. But the truth is, sex is still a very sacred thing to us… and this is where CockyBoys comes in.
I am nineteen years old and — like many of my friends — I’m still a virgin. But unlike my friends, I am not in a relationship and have never had a serious boyfriend. Not only is this because I’ve yet to meet a guy good enough to date (not an excuse, I swear!), but also because I don’t think I could wait until marriage to have sex. And that’s troublesome to many people in my society.
I found myself to be a sexual person ever since I was about fifteen, meaning I always saw the more sexual aspect of things compared to my friends. I realized this after graduating from an all-girls secondary school and going on to a co-ed junior college where I started making guy friends. They told me they’d literally never met anybody who thinks or talks about sex as much as I did, accusing me of being some sort of sex animal and variations of that, which honestly, I was secretly proud of. This only encouraged me to prove to myself that I really was a sexual person.
So although I’ve never had sex, I love the idea of it. I love it. The first time I ever started exploring sex myself was probably last year when I read the book Fifty Shades of Grey. I learned so much about sex and pleasure from that book that it caused me to research even more about sex and masturbation through various Google searches.
It wasn’t until recently that I thought about watching porn. I typed in “gay porn” on Google search and somehow I got introduced to CockyBoys. Instead of searching for “female erotica” or “porn for women,” I searched for “gay porn” because I love men, how they look, and especially how their penises look more than anything else.
There are many reasons I was drawn to CockyBoys in particular — one of them being Jake Jaxson and his team striving to create what they call “guilt-free porn.” He does this by making his movies more a piece of art than just sex and does such a beautiful job of it, even calling his latest film A Thing of Beauty an “erotic poem.”
And then of course, the models. I find the male form one of the most beautiful things this world has to offer and the CockyBoys are all different shades of gorgeous. I mean, have you seen the newest CockyBoy, Asher, with his epic eyebrows and his cocky way of talking that totally suits his voice?! Also, did you see Colby Keller looking like a fucking beast pounding Dale Cooper, with that vein in his arm and his pecs pushed up?! He looked like one fucking sexy gorilla.
Only a few of my friends know I watch porn, while the rest are clueless. I hope it stays that way only because I’m pretty sure they would never see me in the same light again. Knowing the kind of sexual person I am, I know they wouldn’t be surprised. The problem is that we just don’t discuss sex. We don’t ask questions. We just don’t talk about it because to us, it’s simply “not the time” in our lives to be having sex.
I’m not saying this as a representation of my whole society of course, but for nearly all the people I hang out with, this is the case. At the same time, I notice that many CockyBoys are around my age — so it’s interesting to compare the differences in our sexual experiences. Personally, I still find sex to be a very intimate affair, letting someone else see you all bare and naked, exposing yourself wholly to another person. I’m still very curious about people who are okay having sex with strangers, or hook-ups.
I am still a virgin, and plan to stay that way for some time. Hopefully there are others out there who also use porn to release their sexual energy until they are ready to open themselves up to another person… because CockyBoys-induced orgasms are the best shit ever.
From the tiny island of Singapore, Isha Sol loves men, sex, and all things funny. When she’s not reading or watching shows, she’s spazzing over those CockyBoys. Follow her on Twitter here: @shasol_