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by Cilantro Che Guevara

When Frank Ocean sorta came out of the closet this year, it was super awkward for a lot of gay people. As a part of the vaguely homophobic LA hip hop group, Odd Future, I think the general public assumed that Mr. Ocean was this evil homo hater playing for the other team. So when he said, “Oh, but wait, here’s a song about me getting over my ex-boyfriend,” a lot of people were pretty confused! I honestly don’t know why nobody could grasp that a gay person can be homophobic… HELLO, we have been taught to hate ourselves most of our lives! In my case, though, I wasn’t thinking about whether or not I should be offended at all. The only thing I could think about was that finally me and my boyfriend had a slow R&B fuck-jam to bone to that isn’t Tina Turner!

Fun Fact: The second time I ever had sex, Private Dancer was playing and I felt like I was hanging out near the sale rack at T.J. Maxx. Boner killer.

Back That Ass Up
Back That Ass Up circa 1999

Anyway, I got to thinking this week about what the best possible songs to homo-fuck to might be? There’s a lot of gay visibility in music right now, and as much as we love to get our dance on to Lady Gaga, Scissor Sisters, and Adam Lambert (OK, maybe not him)… can you imagine having sex with someone to any of those artists? LOL. One time “Born This Way” came up on iTunes shuffle when I was having a make-out sesh with this dude and he kicked me out of his apartment after I couldn’t stop laughing. Sorry Lady GaGa, but I’ve decided that every couple weeks or so I am going to post about three or so songs/videos to play when getting down with your boyfriend.

1. David Bowie – I’m Afraid of Americans

This song came out in the ’90s I think, when David Bowie went industrial rock like Nine Inch Nails. I never thought much of the song until I really listened to the lyrics — totes hot! I really love this video of this anonymous guy doing his thing to the song. Another heavy-metal ’90s artist that should have a bigger cult following is Rob Zombie, especially the song “Dragula” (so perfect for a drag routine). In the meantime, here’s the David Bowie song:

2. Juvenile – Back That Ass Up

Just ’cause.

3. Enrique Iglesias – Tonight I’m Fucking You

This is definitely one of those trashy Spring Break songs for straight people, but I really like the way the video was edited to this song… pretty silly. It made me want to break into a straight people club with my boyfriend and start grinding on the dance floor, secretly unzipping, and just fucking right there without anybody ever knowing.


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