Cockybeast logo
by Cilantro Che Guevara

Simon Archer

When last week’s new CockyBoy Hayden Lourd was being interviewed about his upbringing, he said, “For me it started when I was twelve years old. Me and my friend would just fool around and fuck each other in the shower after soccer practice. He’s married now, though… lol.”

Hayden also gave some more advice to young, spritely gays who want to have sex with the hot “straight” jock at their middle school: “Just slap them on the ass, wink at them, and before long, they will knock on your door and fuck you… lol.”

This got me to thinking about other tips and tricks for having sex with a hot jock who you’re not sure is gay. Remember, just because a guy is “in the closet” doesn’t mean you have to wait for him to come out. You can walk into a closet just as easily as come out of one, so there is NOTHING stopping you from barging in there and taking advantage! So here are three possible situations you might run into sometime in your bourgeois gay lifestyle, and the best ways to approach them:

1. The Only Thing He Talks About is Sex

Simon Archer

What this means: Usually, when a guy is talking about having sex with girls nonstop, it means he is trying REALLY hard to prove to himself and those around him that he is straight/not gay. He’ll never understand that saying something out loud doesn’t suddenly make it true, and that the erotic urges in his brain will never sync up with fabrications forced out of his mouth. If you have reason to believe that what he’s saying is (at least partially) true, then what you have on your hands is a man slut. And the thing with man sluts is that they are so sexual, they will fuck both girls and boys. So a guy who talks endlessly about sex is a win-win situation for you and not one that should go unrecognized.

The good and the bad: Someone who is so vocal about their sexual confusion will usually fuck anything, however be prepared for it to only be a one-night stand. Remember that this is not a relationship scenario for the man slut. It’s an experiment.

How to have sex with this person: Man sluts always need to be in control, so this makes your job easy. All you have to do is stare at him for a solid five seconds and before long, he’ll come over to you and request a fucking session.

2. He Talks About Everything Besides Sex

Simon Archer

What this means: If a guy never makes any comments about sex, then that means he is so tired of worrying about whether or not he is gay that he has removed the situation from his mind and is obsessing over something else to the point that it’s noticeably weird. For instance, if all the guy talks about is model airplanes, religion, or Star Wars, but never mentions anything about a girlfriend (you’d probably have to know him for about a month to figure it out), then there’s something weird going on with the way his dick communicates with his brain.

The good and the bad: It’s pretty hot to think you can ween this wayward gay man off his strange addictions and help him fully realize his hidden addiction to hot gay sex with you, but that’s sadly an illusion that 90% of the time never works out. Also, just because a guy is weird doesn’t mean he’s gay.

How to have sex with this person: These guys have deep-rooted mental issues only a therapist can fix, so you’re not going to want to have sex with this person. While you might be tricked into thinking it’s a good idea to act as the savior of this guy’s mental issues, you will learn you would not enjoy having sex with them anyway. These guys are like Jesus — sort of like asexual beings who everyone might like on the outside, but if you think about what they are like in bed, they would probably just lay there like a dead log.

3. There’s Absolutely No Sign He’s Gay At All

Simon Archer

What this means: He’s probably straight. Like actually heterosexual straight. Depending on the personality, though, a lot of straight guys are not opposed to fooling aroudn with guys. Some heteros are such nice guys that they will have sex with a gay man just to make him happy. These are the kind of friends every gay man should have — nice guys who are so fucking obliviously attractive and straight, that there’s no sexual tension between you and him. So when he does end up letting you give him a blowjob as a gift to you, it’s like an unexpected bonus.

The good and the bad: What gay man doesn’t want to have sex with a straight guy? Obviously, this isn’t like a college application where you only got accepted because of affirmative action (i.e. being straight isn’t the only reason you can gain admission to a guy’s sphincter). But there definitely is something really hot about men who are not consciously aware of what makes them physically attractive. The bad? The sex you have with him will be nothing more than a favor he’s doing for you, so it will be short lived.

How to have sex with this person: The only way is to become best friends with him first. After a certain age (like 15), many straight men abandon all emotion because it’s a weird masculinity thing during their upbringing. So if you use your best queeny attitude to bring that emotion out of him, he will consider you more than just a friend. Don’t force his cock into your throat too quick, though. It’s best to start cuddling a lot and then working your way up. Sometimes it can take months or even years for him to actually penetrate you, but it’s worth it. It also helps if he has clinical depression.

If all else fails, just do what Hayden does (#DWHD) and jerk off seven times a day. Sex with a guy you don’t 100% know is gay is much better as a fantasy anyway.

Well that’s all for now. This has been sex tips with @SillyCilantro and @HaydenLourd signing off. To watch more of Hayden in action, you can sign up at CockyBoys here!

    This was a cute interview. Really like Hayden and looking forward to seeing so much more of him. Thanks for sharing him with us fans of Cockyboys!!

    May 6th, 2013 9:25 pm

Leave a comment